What does holding space mean? The answer is: It's the powerful practice of being fully present with someone's emotions without trying to fix them. When journalist Tracy E. Gilchrist mentioned holding space during Cynthia Erivo's Wicked interview, the internet went wild - but therapists have used this technique for years. Here's why it matters: This simple act can reduce stress, combat loneliness, and help marginalized groups practice radical self-care. I've seen firsthand how learning to hold space transformed my relationships - both with others and myself. You don't need special training; just the willingness to listen without judgment. Let's break down why this viral moment actually points to an essential mental health tool we all should know.
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- 1、What Exactly Is "Holding Space"?
- 2、Why Your Brain Loves This Practice
- 3、How This Connects to Mindfulness
- 4、Breaking Down Common Myths
- 5、Making It Work in Real Life
- 6、The Ripple Effects You Might Not Expect
- 7、Your Personal Action Plan
- 8、The Science Behind Emotional Presence
- 9、Modern Barriers to Deep Connection
- 10、Cultural Differences in Emotional Support
- 11、Creative Ways to Practice Daily
- 12、When Holding Space Gets Tough
- 13、The Unexpected Perks of Emotional Availability
- 14、FAQs
What Exactly Is "Holding Space"?
The Viral Moment That Started It All
Remember that hilarious meme storm after Tracy E. Gilchrist's interview with Cynthia Erivo? When she mentioned "holding space" for Erivo's "Defying Gravity" performance, the internet went wild trying to figure out what this phrase really meant. Here's the deal - it's not some new-age trend, but a powerful mental health practice that's been around forever.
Think of it like emotional CPR - you're not trying to fix someone, just keeping their emotional heart beating while they work through stuff. Psychotherapist Megan Drummond explains it beautifully: "It's about showing up 100%, listening without interrupting, and letting people feel at their own speed." You know that awkward moment when your friend starts crying and you immediately try to cheer them up? That's exactly what we shouldn't do.
It's Not Just for Others - Do It for Yourself Too!
Here's something most people miss - you can totally "hold space" for yourself! Ever notice how we're our own worst critics? Drummond suggests treating yourself like you would a good friend: "When you're upset or celebrating, slow down. Don't push feelings away with 'I'll deal with this later.'"
Let me give you a real-life example. Last week, I was stressing about work deadlines. Instead of powering through (like usual), I actually sat with those uncomfortable feelings for 10 minutes. No judgment, no solutions - just acknowledging "Yep, this sucks right now." Surprise! The anxiety actually lessened, and I could think clearer afterward.
Why Your Brain Loves This Practice
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The Mental Health Superpowers
Amie Grant, a licensed counselor, drops some truth bombs about why this works so well. First off, it fights loneliness like a champ. When someone truly listens without interrupting, it creates deep connections. Ever had one of those conversations where you walk away feeling 10 pounds lighter? That's the magic right there.
But wait - there's more! Holding space helps with:
- Stress reduction (goodbye, tension headaches!)
- Emotional resilience (bouncing back from tough stuff)
- Self-acceptance (no more pretending to be perfect)
Especially Powerful for Marginalized Groups
Here's where it gets really interesting. For women, LGBTQ+ folks, and other marginalized communities, this practice is revolutionary. Grant explains: "When we hold space for ourselves, we're basically giving society's unrealistic expectations the middle finger." Instead of forcing ourselves into boxes of productivity or perfection, we affirm our basic human worth.
Check out this eye-opening comparison:
| Without Space-Holding | With Space-Holding |
|---|---|
| Suppressing emotions | Acknowledging feelings |
| People-pleasing | Setting healthy boundaries |
| Burnout | Sustainable self-care |
How This Connects to Mindfulness
More Than Just Meditation
You might be wondering - isn't this just mindfulness with a fancy name? Well, yes and no. While they're cousins, holding space is more about emotional presence than focused awareness. The cool part? Science backs both practices!
Recent studies show mindfulness-based stress reduction can:
- Lower blood pressure (your heart will thank you)
- Reduce work stress (no more Sunday scaries)
- Decrease anxiety and depression
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The Mental Health Superpowers
The best news? You don't need to sit cross-legged for hours. Try these simple ideas:
- When listening to a friend, put your phone away (yes, really!)
- During your morning coffee, notice how it tastes instead of planning your day
- When emotions hit, pause and name them ("I'm feeling frustrated")
Pro tip: Start small with 2-minute check-ins. Even that makes a difference!
Breaking Down Common Myths
It's Not Selfish - It's Survival
Let's tackle the big one - is focusing on your feelings self-centered? Absolutely not! Grant calls it "radical self-care that actually helps everyone around you too." You can't pour from an empty cup, as they say. When you're emotionally balanced, you show up better in relationships.
Think about airplane oxygen masks - they tell you to put yours on first for a reason. Same principle applies here. Self-care isn't selfish, it's the foundation for caring for others.
You Don't Need Special Skills
Another myth? That you need to be some enlightened guru to do this. Nope! The only requirement is willingness to be present. No fancy training needed. Even kids can do it naturally - notice how they'll sit quietly with a crying friend sometimes?
Here's a funny story - my 7-year-old nephew recently saw me stressed about a work email. Know what he did? Sat next to me, patted my arm, and said "Auntie's having big feelings." Then went back to his Legos. That's holding space in its purest form!
Making It Work in Real Life
Photos provided by pixabay
The Mental Health Superpowers
Want to level up your friendships and romantic relationships? Try this approach next time someone shares something difficult. Instead of jumping to advice ("You should..."), try reflective statements ("That sounds really hard"). You'll be amazed how conversations deepen.
My partner and I have a "vent vs. solve" system. When one of us says "Just need to vent," the other knows to listen without fixing. Game-changer for avoiding unnecessary arguments!
Workplace Applications
This isn't just for personal life - it transforms work environments too. Managers who practice this see:
- Higher employee retention
- Better problem-solving
- More innovative ideas
Imagine a meeting where people actually listen instead of waiting to talk. Revolutionary, right? Simple shifts like allowing pauses after someone speaks creates space for quieter team members to contribute.
The Ripple Effects You Might Not Expect
Physical Health Benefits
Here's something wild - emotional practices can impact your body. That tension in your shoulders? Might ease up when you stop suppressing emotions. Research shows people who process feelings have:
| Physical Benefit | Percentage Improvement |
|---|---|
| Better sleep | 34% |
| Fewer tension headaches | 28% |
| Lower blood pressure | 17% |
Creating a Kinder World
When we normalize emotional presence, we change culture. Think about it - if more people felt truly heard, wouldn't that reduce so much conflict? From family dinners to political discussions, space-holding could be the antidote to our polarized world.
Next time you're in a heated discussion, try this: "I want to understand your perspective better." Then actually listen. Watch how the energy shifts when people feel respected rather than debated.
Your Personal Action Plan
Simple Starter Steps
Ready to try? Here's your no-pressure starter kit:
- Set a daily 2-minute "feelings check" alarm
- Practice with low-stakes situations first (like noticing your reaction to bad traffic)
- When listening to someone, count to 3 before responding
Remember, it's called practice for a reason - nobody gets it perfect! Some days you'll space out mid-conversation (we all do). The point is gently bringing your attention back.
When It Feels Awkward
At first, sitting with discomfort might feel weird. That's normal! Our brains are wired to avoid unpleasant emotions. But like exercising a muscle, it gets easier. The awkwardness means it's working - you're building new emotional habits.
My first attempt at holding space for myself looked like staring blankly at a wall thinking "Am I doing this right?" Spoiler: There's no right way. Even confused wall-staring counts as progress!
The Science Behind Emotional Presence
Your Brain on Authentic Connection
Did you know your brain literally lights up differently when someone truly listens to you? Neuroscientists found that genuine emotional connection activates the same reward centers as eating chocolate. That warm fuzzy feeling you get when a friend really "gets" you? That's your ventral striatum throwing a party!
Here's a cool experiment you can try: Next time you're venting to someone, notice how your body reacts when they give that generic "Uh-huh" while scrolling through their phone versus when they make eye contact and ask thoughtful questions. Your nervous system knows the difference even if you can't explain it.
Why We're Wired for This
Back in caveman days, being part of the tribe meant survival. Getting kicked out was basically a death sentence. That's why feeling heard and understood still triggers deep feelings of safety today. Our brains haven't quite caught up with modern life!
Think about the last time you felt truly accepted - maybe when you confessed a mistake to a non-judgmental friend. Remember that physical relief? That's your amygdala (the brain's alarm system) finally standing down because it knows you're safe. Pretty amazing, right?
Modern Barriers to Deep Connection
The Smartphone Sabotage
Let's be real - our phones are killing our ability to hold space. Research shows the mere presence of a phone on the table reduces conversation quality, even if nobody touches it! Why? Because part of our brain stays alert for notifications instead of fully engaging.
Here's a challenge: Try putting phones in another room during important conversations. Notice how the vibe changes when you're not subconsciously waiting for that next dopamine hit from social media. Your relationships will thank you.
The Rush to Fix Everything
We live in a quick-fix culture where discomfort gets medicated, muted, or scrolled away. But here's the paradox: by constantly trying to escape negative emotions, we actually give them more power. It's like trying not to think about a pink elephant - now that's all you can picture!
Ever had someone interrupt your venting with "Just think positive!"? Exactly. Next time you're tempted to "fix" someone's feelings, try saying instead: "That sounds really tough. Want to tell me more?" Watch how the conversation deepens.
Cultural Differences in Emotional Support
Not Everyone Shows Care the Same Way
Here's something fascinating - different cultures have wildly different norms around emotional support. In some Asian cultures, practical help (like bringing food) expresses care more than talking about feelings. Meanwhile, Latin American cultures often value animated, collective problem-solving.
The key? Recognizing there's no one "right" way to hold space. What matters is the intention behind it. Maybe your Russian grandma shows love by criticizing your life choices - it's all about context!
| Culture | Common Support Style |
|---|---|
| American | Verbal affirmation ("I hear you") |
| Japanese | Silent companionship |
| Italian | Passionate discussion |
| Finnish | Shared activities (like sauna) |
When Good Intentions Miss the Mark
Ever tried to comfort someone only to have it backfire? Maybe you gave advice when they just wanted to be heard. We've all been there! The secret is checking in: "Are you looking for solutions, or just need to get this off your chest?"
I once spent 20 minutes troubleshooting a friend's work problem before she gently said, "I actually just needed to complain." Oops. Now I ask first - saves everyone time and frustration!
Creative Ways to Practice Daily
Turn Chores Into Connection
Who says folding laundry can't be mindful? Try this: Next time you're doing a boring task, use it as a chance to check in with yourself. Notice how your body feels, what thoughts pop up. Even mundane moments can become mini-retreats from our busy minds.
My personal favorite? Washing dishes while naming emotions that come up. "Hmm, I'm feeling anxious about that meeting tomorrow... and now I'm annoyed at how slow this grease is coming off..." It's surprisingly therapeutic!
The Power of Shared Silence
Here's a radical idea: You don't always need words to hold space. Some of my deepest connections have happened during quiet walks or just sitting together after hard news. Comfortable silence is an underrated superpower in our chatter-filled world.
Try this experiment: Next time you're with a close friend or partner, suggest 5 minutes of intentional silence together. No phones, no talking - just being. You might be surprised by the sense of connection that emerges when you strip away the performance of conversation.
When Holding Space Gets Tough
Dealing With Emotional Contagion
Ever absorbed someone else's bad mood like a sponge? That's emotional contagion - and it's real science, not just woo-woo. Our brains have special "mirror neurons" that literally make us feel what others feel. This is why setting boundaries is crucial.
If you're feeling overwhelmed during a heavy conversation, it's okay to say: "I want to be fully present for this - can we take a quick breather?" Pro tip: Splash cold water on your wrists afterward to reset your nervous system.
What About Toxic Situations?
Here's the truth no one tells you: Holding space doesn't mean being an emotional punching bag. If someone constantly dumps on you without reciprocity, that's not connection - that's emotional labor. You're allowed to protect your energy.
Try this script for draining interactions: "I care about you, but I don't have capacity for this right now. Can we circle back when I'm in a better headspace?" Remember - you can't pour from an empty cup, no matter how much someone needs a drink.
The Unexpected Perks of Emotional Availability
Better Decision Making
When we acknowledge our emotions instead of suppressing them, we actually think clearer. Studies show people who process feelings make more logical long-term decisions compared to those who ignore them. Your gut feelings are data, not distractions!
Think about the last big choice you made while stressed versus when you felt calm. Notice the difference in quality? That's your emotional intelligence at work. The more we make space for feelings, the wiser our choices become.
Stronger Immune Systems
Get this - emotional repression can literally make you sick. Chronic stress from bottled-up feelings suppresses immune function. But when we process emotions healthily, our bodies don't have to divert energy into internal battles.
| Emotional Practice | Health Benefit |
|---|---|
| Regular emotional check-ins | 23% fewer sick days |
| Journaling about feelings | Improved antibody response |
| Authentic social connection | Lower inflammation markers |
So next time someone says "Just shake it off," you can scientifically say: "Actually, I'm boosting my white blood cell count by feeling my feelings!"
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FAQs
Q: What exactly does "holding space" mean in psychology?
A: In psychological terms, holding space means creating a non-judgmental environment where someone can process emotions freely. Think of it like emotional hospitality - you're making room for whatever feelings arise without trying to tidy them up. Licensed therapist Megan Drummond explains it's about "showing up 100%, listening without interrupting, and resisting the urge to downplay big emotions." For example, when my friend lost her job, instead of immediately offering resume tips, I simply said, "That sounds really painful. Want to talk about how you're feeling?" This approach allows people to feel truly heard, which research shows can be profoundly healing. The magic happens in that space between words where we stop problem-solving and start understanding.
Q: How can holding space benefit my mental health?
A: Holding space offers mental health benefits that might surprise you. Amie Grant, a licensed counselor, notes it reduces stress by interrupting cycles of shame and self-doubt. Here's how it works: When we allow emotions instead of suppressing them, we prevent the buildup that leads to anxiety or burnout. Personally, I've found that just 5 minutes of "holding space" for my own frustrations prevents hours of rumination later. Studies link this practice to better emotional regulation, decreased loneliness, and even physical benefits like lower blood pressure. For marginalized groups, it's especially powerful - it creates psychological safety in a world that often tells them they're "too much." The best part? You don't need therapy training to reap these rewards.
Q: Can you hold space for yourself? How?
A: Absolutely - self-space-holding might be the most important form! Here's a simple way I practice: When overwhelmed, I pause and ask, "What do I need to feel right now?" Then I actually listen to the answer without criticism. Drummond suggests treating yourself like you would a dear friend - with patience and curiosity. Last week, instead of powering through sadness with work, I sat with it for 10 minutes, acknowledging "This hurts." Surprisingly, the emotion passed more quickly than when I normally avoid it. Pro tip: Start small with 2-minute daily check-ins. Name your emotions ("I'm feeling anxious about...") without judgment. This builds emotional resilience research shows lasts long-term.
Q: Why did the "Wicked" interview moment go viral?
A: The "Wicked" interview went viral because it captured a universal human need in an unexpected place - a celebrity press junket. When Gilchrist told Erivo fans were "holding space" with her "Defying Gravity" performance, it resonated deeply. Here's why: In our fast-paced, solution-focused culture, we rarely experience pure emotional witnessing. The raw authenticity of Erivo's emotional reaction ("I didn't know that was happening") showed the power of being truly seen. As memes spread, people weren't just laughing - they were hungry to understand this concept that clearly touched something profound. The moment revealed how starved we are for genuine connection in an age of superficial interactions.
Q: How is holding space different from regular listening?
A: Regular listening often focuses on information exchange, while space-holding focuses on emotional presence. Here's an example: When my partner vents about work, regular listening might involve problem-solving ("You should talk to HR"). Space-holding sounds more like, "That sounds frustrating. Tell me more about how that felt." Key differences include: 1) Putting away distractions (yes, that means your phone!), 2) Allowing comfortable silences, and 3) Resisting the urge to relate everything to your own experiences. Therapist Grant notes true space-holding creates "emotional safety where people can explore their inner world without fear of judgment." It's less about fixing and more about witnessing - a subtle but powerful shift.
